The Great Turkey Explosion
Thanksgiving in Frogspit brings out all the best turkey frying chefs from miles around. It is hard for Clem Kardashem and Bart LeBeau to admit, but for the last four years, local grocery store owner Bubba LeBlanc has fried the best-tasting turkey in Frogspit. This year Clem and Bart are teaming up to beat Bubba and take back the Frogspit Turkey King crown!
Before Bubba took the crown, either Clem or Bart won the turkey king contest for 13 years straight. Some say it’s only because Clem or Bart were the only ones in the contest, but Clem and Bart would argue everyone else was scared. This year Clem and Bart decided to combine their secret recipe’s and remove Bubba from the throne.
Early Thanksgiving morning, Bart met Clem in the driveway of Clem’s shop. Clem laid out all his secret ingredients on the cable spool/chef’s table except for one. He held back the Hog Candy Hog Attractant. After all, he couldn’t let Bart know all his secrets. Likewise, Bart brought all his secret ingredients minus his top-secret ingredient, Tink’s 69 Doe-Pee. Even without these two top-secret ingredients, they were sure they would win.
First, Clem filled the turkey fryer halfway with peanut oil, then Bart filled it the rest of the way with lard. Next, they placed the never-frozen worm-fed turkey in the middle of the cable spool/chef’s table. While the oil/lard mixture heated, Clem rubbed the outside of the bird with persimmon juice, sumac berries, and taco seasoning. Once Clem finished the outside, Bart rubbed the inside down with habaneros, milk-weed, and red sauce from the hummingbird feeder.
After Bart finished with the red sauce, they noticed the gobbler was vibrating on the cable spool/chef’s table. Convinced this was a sign from God, they ran the winch cable from their 4-wheeler through the bird and lowered him into the bubbling crude. Instantly, the bubbling crude produced a nauseous yet strangely aromatic odor. The fryer was shaking violently as the poor bird sank into the bubbling crude.
Clem and Bart were a little confused when the needle on the thermometer began to spin wildly. All at once, a chain blue lightning bolt erupted from the fryer, and with a loud clap of thunder, the turkey exploded from the bubbling crude. Luckily, the winch cable held, and the bird landed with a thunderous boom on the cable spool/chef’s table. Clem and Bart leaped into the air, high-fiving, and chest-bumping. They proclaimed this gobbler is the next champion!
Clem and Bart flipped over an old rim from the junk pile, and instantly the gourmet bird had its final resting place. They loaded the rim and turkey in Bart’s truck and carefully crept to Bubba’s place! Bubba noticed them driving like molasses up his driveway and figured this can’t end well. Clem and Bart eased to a stop and dropped the tailgate. Sliding the rim and turkey to the tailgate, Bart said, “get you some of that”!
Bubba, a little wary, pulled out his pocket knife and carved off a choice piece of back meat. He chewed violently as the bird was a might tough, but he was able to choke it down. Before he could give his opinion, poor Bubba passed out cold. Fearing the worst, Clem and Bart loaded him into Bubba’s truck, and his wife Kitty drove him to the hospital.
Clem and Bart tried to feel bad for poor Bubba. After all, Bubba had not even started on his turkey. However, they were relieved when Kitty called and let them know that Bubba would be okay. The doctor’s seemed to think he swallowed some form of exotic jet fuel. It suddenly dawned on the two Frogspit turkey frying chef’s, with Bubba now out of the competition; Clem and Bart win! All is well this thanksgiving in Frogspit; Clem and Bart are once again atop the Frogspit Turkey King Throne.